Life, work, love and loss.

Making the hard decisions lighter.

July Newsletter

Welcome to Rafan House’s July newsletter!
What’s here?

In this newsletter, look out for:

Don’t let the old man in – people are understandably fearful as the world edges toward easing restrictions, and it will be hard to regain self-confidence.
– a link to our recently-published book, The Cambridge Code – One simple test to uncover who you are.
Don’t let the old man in!
People are understandably fearful as the world edges toward easing restrictions and it will be hard to regain self-confidence
The Clint Eastwood-directed and starring film The Mule, is based on the true story of a WWII veteran in his 80s who takes a job as a courier for a Mexican drug cartel.  The closing song, ‘Don’t let the old man in’, was inspired by a chance encounter on a golf course between Eastwood and the lyricist, Toby Keith.  Out on the green, Eastwood remarked that he’d be starting work on The Mule in two days, which also happened to be his 88th birthday. Struck by Eastwood’s relentless energy at an age when many are content to sit and reflect, Keith asked how he keeps going.  “He said, ‘I just get up every morning and go out. And I don’t let the old man in,’ ” Keith recounts.
This is relevant why?  Recently, an older lady commented on how she had felt during the recent Covid lockdowns, being treated as ‘vulnerable’ by family and society, due to her years.  “I wasn’t going out, I wasn’t seeing anybody and the only face I saw was my own, in the mirror.  And normally I don’t have time to look at that too much, or too closely – too busy!”  But the outside closed, and for some, the walls came closer, turning us inward, away from even the most basic human physical contact.  People began to believe that they were indeed vulnerable, even though they had no underlying health issues apart from age.  They felt they should be acting their age, being sensible, taking precautions.  And all that is true.  But like all things, that advice needs to be taken in moderation, because people have to live well, too.
This is not advice to throw caution to the winds, along with your mask and elbow bump.  Rationally, life is a death sentence – that’s inescapable – but people don’t live their daily lives like that.  What really matters is how you feel inside yourself right now.  It matters that people can get outside and feel the sun on their faces, or dig in the soil, or sit by a pond.  It matters that people can hug or kiss their families without fear.  And that self-confidence, and that of loved ones, has to be rediscovered to do all of these things, bit by bit.  If not, the perceived vulnerability – and ‘the old man’ – will be locked in,  the one who bows, not under the weight of well-earned tiredness, but under the weight of fear alone. 
 So, as the sun comes out, may you rediscover your confident inner young ‘un, and help others rediscover theirs.
We are now offering psychotherapeutic consultations online – and they are proving to be very accessible and effective, especially for families.  We are also holding workshops online for corporates, schools and other organisations, helping people negotiate a very different set of challenges.  If we can help, call us: 0203 542 9935, or email us: reception@rafanhouse.com.  You can find more information about us at www.rafanhouse.com.  We’re here to help.
Dr Emma Loveridge